Stress Management
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Stress Management

28 Aug

Posted at 10:31h in Productivity, Stress Management

I’m noticing more than ever how hard we are on ourselves. My clients, my colleagues, even myself—we all tend to expect more of ourselves than is appropriate, healthy, or even humanly possible. When we fall short, instead of extending grace, we turn inward with harsh judgment. We criticize. We attack. And in doing so, we undermine our ability to be effective.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in self-compassion, alongside Dr. Chris Germer of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, has shown us a different way. Their model identifies three key elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. These concepts have deeply influenced me, yet when I share them, people often resist. It’s as if self-compassion is something that should apply to everyone else—but not to them.

Why is that? Is it our fast-paced, high-demand culture? The belief that constant self-criticism is the only way to succeed? Or is it simply easier to overwork than to pause and take care of ourselves? Whatever the reason, the truth is this: being hard on yourself doesn’t make you more productive—it makes you less.

The Three Tenets of Self-Compassion

When I only have a minute with clients, I break Dr. Neff’s framework down like this:

  1. Self-Kindness
    Treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. When you’re stuck in self-criticism, ask: What would I say to my best friend in this situation? Chances are, you’d respond with encouragement—not with the harsh words you use on yourself.
  2. Common Humanity
    Struggle is part of the human condition. Everyone wrestles with some form of self-doubt. Recognizing this can help us see our challenges as normal, not evidence of inadequacy. When we know we’re not alone, it’s easier to be generous with ourselves.
  3. Mindfulness
    Mindfulness means noticing what we’re feeling without ignoring it—or drowning in it. Saying, This is hard. I feel disappointed. I feel anxious, creates space to respond with clarity instead of reacting with judgment.

Why Self-Criticism Derails Productivity

Neff makes a powerful point: “Today most of our threat is to our self-concept. When we fail and feel inadequate, we are fighting ourselves. We are the attacker and the attacked.”

When we’re hard on ourselves, we don’t just bruise our feelings—we hijack our brains. Instead of staying in problem-solving mode, we flip into fight, flight, or freeze. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood our system, and suddenly the “danger” isn’t out there—it’s inside us.

And when you feel under attack, your emotional brain overrides your thinking brain, making it physiologically impossible to focus on your work.

The Science of Self-Compassion

Research shows that people who practice self-compassion aren’t weak or indulgent. In fact, they’re more resilient, motivated, and accountable.

  • They feel less anxiety, stress, and burnout.
  • They report more optimism, gratitude, and life satisfaction.
  • They keep high standards, but bounce back quickly when they fall short.
  • They take responsibility for mistakes and make amends without spiraling into shame.

In short: self-criticism sabotages, while self-compassion empowers. Giving ourselves grace—not beating ourselves up—is what helps us be our best selves.

Practicing Self-Compassion in Real Life

So what does this look like in practice? It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about changing how you treat yourself when things get tough.

Next time that inner critic pipes up, pause and ask yourself:

  • What do I need right now?
  • What would I say to a good friend in this situation?
  • What if this challenge is just part of being human—not proof that I’m failing?

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is step back and pause. Sometimes it’s giving yourself permission to do less. And sometimes it’s simply saying: This is hard—and that’s okay.

The Path to Flow

At the end of the day, productivity isn’t about pushing harder—it’s about creating the conditions where you can do your best work. And self-compassion is a condition.

When you stop beating yourself up and start having your own back, you clear the way for focus, creativity, and growth.

Because the truth is, you’ll never criticize yourself into greatness. But you can support yourself there.

Want to dive deeper into strategies for working smarter, not harder? Check out my book Productivity for How You’re Wired —available now on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

Feeling overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it? You’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. Through one-on-one coaching, I help professionals and leaders like you cut through the noise, ditch the never-ending to-do lists, and align your productivity with how you’re wired—so you can finally create systems that actually stick.

 

05 Aug

Posted at 14:01h in Envision Possibilities, Procrastination, Productivity, Stress Management, Tips for Easier Living

It’s August. It’s hot. Everyone’s either on vacation or thinking about it. You might be wishing you had more time to rest, slow down, and escape the heat—but somehow, the work still needs to get done.

That’s why how you spend your work time really matters. You don’t need more hours—you need more impact from the hours you already have.

Here’s something I often share: “One unit of focused time is equal to four units of broken focus.” — American Academy of Family Physicians

In other words, ten focused minutes can be as productive as forty minutes of distracted, fragmented effort. The math is simple—and persuasive. Especially in a season when we’re all craving more time off the clock.

Start with Clarity: What Matters Most?

Before we dive into distractions, let’s talk about focus. You can’t focus effectively if you don’t know what you’re focusing on. Each morning, take a moment to clarify your most important priorities for the day. I like to jot mine down on a simple sticky note—just a few key tasks that, if completed, will let me feel good about calling it a day.

This doesn’t mean creating a massive to-do list. In fact, it means the opposite.

As Lin Yutang wisely said: “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.”

Letting go of the nonessentials is an act of leadership. You protect your time by honoring what matters most—and letting the rest wait.

Eliminate Distractions: Your Phone Isn’t Helping

One of the biggest threats to focused work? The small device that’s always within reach. Our phones—helpful, powerful, and endlessly distracting—can derail even the best-laid plans for a focused work session.

Want to tap into the power of those “ten focused minutes”? Start by putting your phone in another room. Seriously. Airplane mode is great. Do Not Disturb works too. But if it’s physically out of sight, you’re less likely to reach for it out of habit.

Consider turning off all but the most essential notifications. For me, that’s calls and text messages—nothing else. During focused work sessions, even a single ping can break your concentration and cost you more than just a few seconds. Research suggests it can take 20+ minutes to fully recover from an interruption. Multiply that over a few distractions, and you’ve just lost your entire work block.

Plan for the Ramp-Up: Flow Takes Time

Here’s something we don’t talk about enough: it takes time to settle in and focus. So don’t expect to sit down and immediately start cranking out brilliant work. That’s not how human brains operate.

Instead, plan for ramp-up time before you dive into focused work. Do a quick check of your email or messages, respond to anything urgent, and then intentionally clear the decks. Grab water. Take a bio break. Cue up music that helps you concentrate. Close the extra browser tabs. Then give yourself permission to go deep.

This preparation isn’t procrastination—it’s setting the stage for high-quality work. It’s part of what turns ten minutes into something powerful.

Work Smarter, Rest Better

In this summer heat, when our energy can feel low and our motivation stretched thin, we don’t need more hours—we need more impact from the hours we do have. That starts with focus, clarity, and protecting our attention like the limited resource it is.

So before you burn out trying to push through an endless list, stop.

  • Write down your essentials.
  • Silence the noise.
  • Create the conditions for deep work.
  • And remember: ten focused minutes might be all you need to make real progress today.

Want more practical strategies like this? Chapter 11: Time Matters in my book Productivity for How You’re Wired dives deeper into how to plan your day, manage your time, and get the right things done without the overwhelm. It’s available now on Amazon—in print, eBook, and audio.

Feeling overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it? You’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. Through one-on-one coaching, I help professionals and leaders like you cut through the noise, ditch the never-ending to-do lists, and align your productivity with how you’re wired—so you can finally create systems that actually stick.

 

30 Jun

Posted at 11:24h in Planning Tools, Productivity, Stress Management, Time Management, Tips for Easier Living

Ever stand in front of the fridge wondering what to make for dinner, only to give up and snack on crackers? Or scroll Netflix for so long you run out of time to actually watch something? It’s frustrating—and oddly common.

Here’s why: it’s not that you’re indecisive or lazy. It’s decision fatigue, and it’s draining your brainpower, making even the smallest choices feel surprisingly difficult.

One of my high-performing clients—smart, successful, and productive—once told me that the thing he and his partner argued about most wasn’t money or chores. It was what to order in for dinner.

At the end of the day, they were both exhausted. They’d scroll through endless restaurant options, debate what sounded good, get frustrated, and end up ordering late—or worse, not eating at all. That small daily choice became a major source of friction.

I suggested they make a simple list: five favorite takeout places and their top two orders from each. The result? Instant relief. They ordered faster, ate earlier, weren’t hangry, and most importantly, enjoyed their evenings together instead of wasting time figuring out what to eat. One little system turned a daily pain point into something easy—and even enjoyable.

That’s the magic of simplifying small decisions.

Decision Fatigue Is Real

Some studies estimate we make over 35,000 decisions a day—most of them small and forgettable. What to wear. What to eat. What to tackle first. Each one chips away at your mental energy.

And when your brain is tired, even “easy” decisions feel hard. You overthink. You second-guess. You procrastinate. Or you avoid the choice altogether and just do nothing (hello, standing in front of the fridge again).

The problem? All of that mental clutter spills into your personal time. You end up feeling frazzled, behind, and drained—even when nothing major went wrong.

Make the Easy Decisions Easy

You don’t have to overhaul your life. Just start by creating defaults—shortlists of pre-approved, go-to options that remove friction from your day.

Here are four areas where this can make a big difference:

1. What to Make for Dinner

Instead of reinventing the wheel every night, build your own personal menu of favorite meals. Keep your two go-to recipes from key categories—like poultry, seafood, vegetarian, meat, entrée salads, and hearty soups—in a folder, binder, or electronic file. That way, when it’s time to plan dinner, you can flip through your curated favorites and quickly pick something you’ll actually enjoy cooking and eating.

You don’t need a hundred recipes—just a dozen or so that you know and love. This makes meal planning easier and helps you avoid that overwhelmed, “I don’t know what I feel like” feeling at the end of a long day.

2.  Ordering In

Like my client, make a list of your favorite delivery spots and go-to orders. Save them in your food delivery app, jot them in your notes, or put them on the fridge. When you’re tired and hungry, this saves time, energy, and potential tension.

 3. What to Watch

Keep a “watch next” list in your streaming app or phone. When you finally sit down to relax, you don’t want to waste half the evening browsing. Make the decision once, and keep a short list ready to go.

 4. What to Read

Create a running to-read list so that when you finish one book, the next one is already lined up. You’ll read more, feel less decision fatigue, and avoid the rabbit hole of reviews and recommendations when you just want to enjoy a story.

 This Isn’t About Being Rigid

You can still try new restaurants, cook new meals, and discover new shows. But when you’re tired or low on brainpower, your defaults have your back. Think of these lists as your brain’s personal assistant—quietly saving you from unnecessary stress. Let’s keep the easy decisions easy… and free up your energy for what matters most.

Ready to Simplify More? If you’re feeling stuck in the weeds of daily decision-making, I can help. Through one-on-one coaching, I work with professionals and leaders like you to cut through the clutter, align your productivity with how you’re wired, and create systems that actually stick. Want more strategies like this? My book,  Productivity for How You’re Wired, is packed with real-life tools and ideas—and it’s available now on Amazon.

05 Jun

Posted at 19:22h in Organize to Thrive, Planning Tools, Productivity, Stress Management, Time Management

To Do List Magic

We all know we should occasionally organize our closets, and kitchens, and paper piles, but have you ever considered giving your To-Do or Task List a thorough reorganization? The results can be just as transformational. 

Before becoming a Productivity Coach, I spent years as a Professional Organizer, helping clients clear physical clutter. I discovered that truly lasting results come from a deliberate, step-by-step process:

  1. Remove EVERYTHING from the space (or section).
  2. Make intentional decisions about what to do with each item. Organizing expert Judith Kolberg introduced the concept of sorting items into three categories: friends, strangers, and acquaintances.
    • Friends go BACK into the space
    • Strangers are donated, recycled, or discarded
    • Acquaintances go into a holding zone (storage — just in case) or are returned if there’s room 

Making intentional choices about every single item—and being VERY purposeful about what occupies your valuable space—is genuinely MAGICAL. I can tell you if I go to organize my junk drawer (or any space) and open the drawer and ask myself – is there anything here that should go, I get an average result that lasts a few weeks or months. However, if I remove everything – and deliberately return the things-that-really-matter, my organization lasts a good year or more.  Try it – it’s amazing how effective it is!

But do we do this with our To DO Lists?  It’s tempting to stick with our usual weekly reviews, but just as our physical spaces benefit from an annual deep re-org, your digital or paper task list deserves the same attention. I recently did a full Task List overhaul myself, and here’s how I did it:

  1. I keep my Task List on a Google Sheet (as discussed here.)
  2. I made a backup copy, just in case.
  3. I added a new column and transferred EVERYTHING from my Critical/Hot/Sooner/Later/Waiting lists into that column.
  4. Then, I sorted and redistributed each item back into the appropriate category.
  5. I also cleaned up my sub-lists—professional development, major purchases, blog ideas, tech tools, tasks in progress with my VA—and deleted many obsolete or unnecessary items.

The result? A clean, focused, manageable list that clearly highlights what’s most important. Removing clutter is not just liberating—it drastically reduces stress and increases clarity.

A few key insights:

  • Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Does that task advance your goals or support someone important? If not, is it worth your precious time?
  • When everything feels urgent or important, nothing truly is. Time is finite—every “yes” to the unimportant takes away from what truly matters.
  • As Brené Brown reminds us, feeling resentment often signals that a task should come off your list.
  • Remember: what was a priority last week or last month may no longer be relevant today. Priorities shift, and highly productive people are ruthless about removing unnecessary tasks.

So, what will you REMOVE today?

If you enjoy my blog, you’ll love the insights in my book, Productivity for How You’re Wired, available on Audible, in print, and as an ebook all on Amazon.

14 May

Posted at 20:40h in Change, Envision Possibilities, Procrastination, Productivity, Stress Management, Tips for Easier Living

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Be future focused. Remember the why not the what. Motivation follow action.

Here are some of my favorite thoughts on productivity. They aren’t what you typically hear, but they’ve helped me and my clients. I hope they’ll help you too!

Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

This is one of the hardest lessons to learn. We often think that because we can do something, we should just do it. But building in a pause and asking whether it’s in our best interest to say yes is a powerful shift. Here are some questions to consider when deciding if the answer should be yes:

  • If I say yes to this, what will I have to say no to in order to make time for it? Remember, time is finite. You can’t keep adding commitments indefinitely. Are you willing to give up time at the gym or working on a project that matters to do this?
  • Is there someone else who can do this well enough? Not only could it be a good opportunity for someone else on your team to learn a new skill, but it might also be better for you to stick to your high-value work and let someone else do this.
  • Will doing this help me achieve a long-term goal or intention? Look at your goals for the year. Does this action support them? If not, the answer is most likely NO.

Retraining your brain around this takes time—it’s a new way of thinking. 

It may be less about setting boundaries and more about considering the future result of saying yes.

This is what we call a “time horizon” issue. If you look at your calendar three weeks from now, it may seem like you have plenty of time, and you might believe you won’t need to compromise your boundaries to say yes. But is that truly the case? You know how often things pop into your life and take up time that you didn’t anticipate.

Ask yourself: How would you feel if you had to fit this event, action, or task into your calendar this week or today? Would you still say yes?  

When learning a new habit—remember the why, not just the what.

When we try to change something, our brain tends to push back. Doing something different— even if it’s for our benefit—can trigger the brain’s threat response, leading to fight, flight, or freeze. That’s not the ideal mental state for making lasting change.

When making a change, it’s natural to focus on the “what”: the specific steps to implement it. For example:

  • “I’ll go to the gym every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning before work.”
  • “I’ll do my daily planning with my coffee each morning.”
  • “Even though the report isn’t due until Friday, I’ll schedule time to work on it Monday.”

But what often happens? You know the answer! So try shifting your focus. Instead of just the “what,” consider the “why”:

  • “I know I will feel better physically and emotionally if I work out three times a week.”
  • “When I take five minutes to plan today’s tasks, I get more done, feel less stressed, and enjoy my free time more.”
  • “When I give myself time to write, pause, and revise, the quality of my work improves, and I feel more confident.”

Motivation follows action—not the other way around.

I often hear people say, “I just need more discipline.” But I believe discipline isn’t the key. How do you gain motivation? Simply—by taking action. Once you start, it feels good. Completing tasks feels even better. Success breeds success.

Remember, motivation follows action, not the other way around. This makes building habits easier. Give it a try: see if it’s motivation you need, not discipline.. 

A final note:

All these mindset shifts are valuable. But as we’ve discussed, trying to change too many things at once makes it harder to sustain those changes. My recommendation – pick one and test that for a few weeks.  Good luck! 

If you enjoy my blog, you’ll love the insights in my book, Productivity for How You’re Wired, available on Audible, in print, and as an ebook all on Amazon.

07 Jan

Posted at 11:09h in Change, Productivity, Stress Management

One of the most interesting aspects of my work is recognizing trends. When I consistently hear similar things from clients, my brain starts making connections. I suppose this is what is meant by the term “thought leader”… at least, I hope so.

Here’s one of my recent observations: Clients who work from home prefer to talk at the end of the day, while those who go to the office seek recharge time. Challenges often arise in households when there are both remote workers and in-office workers.

I recall reading that in the “olden days,” when men went to the office and their wives stayed home, it was suggested that wives give their husbands time to unwind before discussing their day and children. While this may sound outdated, in essence, when we remove gender roles, the concept is not far off.

I notice that individuals who work from home yearn for social interaction. They lack the same level of connection as office-goers. Regardless of your beliefs about productivity, from a social standpoint, people working alone desire a sense of belonging. Studies show that this feeling of connectedness enhances engagement and commitment to work outcomes.

So, what is my recommendation? In coaching, we emphasize that change starts with awareness. We cannot improve something we are not aware of. Therefore, let’s recognize that those working alone have different needs than those who are in an office environment all day.

What comes next?

After creating awareness, we need to embrace this new idea. This involves experimenting with various solutions. It requires collaboration between at least two individuals, with communication as the initial step. This includes acknowledging needs, fostering an environment where needs can be expressed, brainstorming solutions, testing them, evaluating, and committing to the ones that work.

My clients have reported increased happiness by intentionally incorporating relaxation time, exercise time, and quiet time for partners who go to the office, as well as scheduled talk time for those working alone.

For individuals who live alone and work remotely, a proactive approach to combat isolation is vital. What social opportunities sound fulfilling? Can you join a club, engage in activities, set goals to see friends or family regularly, or schedule phone calls or virtual meetups?

One thing is certain – being proactive and intentional in adapting to this new working dynamic definitely improves work and life.  

Unlock your potential with my book Productivity for How You’re Wired! If you enjoy my blog, you’ll love the insights in my book, available now on Audible, and in print and as an ebook on Amazon. Don’t miss out—I’m excited to share these transformative strategies with you!