thrive
Productivity Coaching, Time Management Consulting and Leadership Coaching for business and nonprofits - get your most important work done. Collaborating with leaders and their teams to become more strategic, focused and productive. Leadership and Board Coaching, Strategic Planning Facilitation, Productivity Coaching and Time Management Consulting, Professional Speaker.
Productivity Coach, Productivity Consultant, Leadership Coach, Time Management Coach, Business Consulting, personal productivity, time management, nonprofit, board coach, collaboration, strategic planning, facilitation, change management, leading productive teams, project planning, board development, volunteer engagement, association management, workplace productivity, executive director.
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thrive Tag

28 Aug

Posted at 10:31h in Productivity, Stress Management

I’m noticing more than ever how hard we are on ourselves. My clients, my colleagues, even myself—we all tend to expect more of ourselves than is appropriate, healthy, or even humanly possible. When we fall short, instead of extending grace, we turn inward with harsh judgment. We criticize. We attack. And in doing so, we undermine our ability to be effective.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in self-compassion, alongside Dr. Chris Germer of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, has shown us a different way. Their model identifies three key elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. These concepts have deeply influenced me, yet when I share them, people often resist. It’s as if self-compassion is something that should apply to everyone else—but not to them.

Why is that? Is it our fast-paced, high-demand culture? The belief that constant self-criticism is the only way to succeed? Or is it simply easier to overwork than to pause and take care of ourselves? Whatever the reason, the truth is this: being hard on yourself doesn’t make you more productive—it makes you less.

The Three Tenets of Self-Compassion

When I only have a minute with clients, I break Dr. Neff’s framework down like this:

  1. Self-Kindness
    Treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. When you’re stuck in self-criticism, ask: What would I say to my best friend in this situation? Chances are, you’d respond with encouragement—not with the harsh words you use on yourself.
  2. Common Humanity
    Struggle is part of the human condition. Everyone wrestles with some form of self-doubt. Recognizing this can help us see our challenges as normal, not evidence of inadequacy. When we know we’re not alone, it’s easier to be generous with ourselves.
  3. Mindfulness
    Mindfulness means noticing what we’re feeling without ignoring it—or drowning in it. Saying, This is hard. I feel disappointed. I feel anxious, creates space to respond with clarity instead of reacting with judgment.

Why Self-Criticism Derails Productivity

Neff makes a powerful point: “Today most of our threat is to our self-concept. When we fail and feel inadequate, we are fighting ourselves. We are the attacker and the attacked.”

When we’re hard on ourselves, we don’t just bruise our feelings—we hijack our brains. Instead of staying in problem-solving mode, we flip into fight, flight, or freeze. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood our system, and suddenly the “danger” isn’t out there—it’s inside us.

And when you feel under attack, your emotional brain overrides your thinking brain, making it physiologically impossible to focus on your work.

The Science of Self-Compassion

Research shows that people who practice self-compassion aren’t weak or indulgent. In fact, they’re more resilient, motivated, and accountable.

  • They feel less anxiety, stress, and burnout.
  • They report more optimism, gratitude, and life satisfaction.
  • They keep high standards, but bounce back quickly when they fall short.
  • They take responsibility for mistakes and make amends without spiraling into shame.

In short: self-criticism sabotages, while self-compassion empowers. Giving ourselves grace—not beating ourselves up—is what helps us be our best selves.

Practicing Self-Compassion in Real Life

So what does this look like in practice? It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about changing how you treat yourself when things get tough.

Next time that inner critic pipes up, pause and ask yourself:

  • What do I need right now?
  • What would I say to a good friend in this situation?
  • What if this challenge is just part of being human—not proof that I’m failing?

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is step back and pause. Sometimes it’s giving yourself permission to do less. And sometimes it’s simply saying: This is hard—and that’s okay.

The Path to Flow

At the end of the day, productivity isn’t about pushing harder—it’s about creating the conditions where you can do your best work. And self-compassion is a condition.

When you stop beating yourself up and start having your own back, you clear the way for focus, creativity, and growth.

Because the truth is, you’ll never criticize yourself into greatness. But you can support yourself there.

Want to dive deeper into strategies for working smarter, not harder? Check out my book Productivity for How You’re Wired —available now on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

Feeling overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it? You’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. Through one-on-one coaching, I help professionals and leaders like you cut through the noise, ditch the never-ending to-do lists, and align your productivity with how you’re wired—so you can finally create systems that actually stick.

 

05 Aug

Posted at 14:01h in Envision Possibilities, Procrastination, Productivity, Stress Management, Tips for Easier Living

It’s August. It’s hot. Everyone’s either on vacation or thinking about it. You might be wishing you had more time to rest, slow down, and escape the heat—but somehow, the work still needs to get done.

That’s why how you spend your work time really matters. You don’t need more hours—you need more impact from the hours you already have.

Here’s something I often share: “One unit of focused time is equal to four units of broken focus.” — American Academy of Family Physicians

In other words, ten focused minutes can be as productive as forty minutes of distracted, fragmented effort. The math is simple—and persuasive. Especially in a season when we’re all craving more time off the clock.

Start with Clarity: What Matters Most?

Before we dive into distractions, let’s talk about focus. You can’t focus effectively if you don’t know what you’re focusing on. Each morning, take a moment to clarify your most important priorities for the day. I like to jot mine down on a simple sticky note—just a few key tasks that, if completed, will let me feel good about calling it a day.

This doesn’t mean creating a massive to-do list. In fact, it means the opposite.

As Lin Yutang wisely said: “Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials.”

Letting go of the nonessentials is an act of leadership. You protect your time by honoring what matters most—and letting the rest wait.

Eliminate Distractions: Your Phone Isn’t Helping

One of the biggest threats to focused work? The small device that’s always within reach. Our phones—helpful, powerful, and endlessly distracting—can derail even the best-laid plans for a focused work session.

Want to tap into the power of those “ten focused minutes”? Start by putting your phone in another room. Seriously. Airplane mode is great. Do Not Disturb works too. But if it’s physically out of sight, you’re less likely to reach for it out of habit.

Consider turning off all but the most essential notifications. For me, that’s calls and text messages—nothing else. During focused work sessions, even a single ping can break your concentration and cost you more than just a few seconds. Research suggests it can take 20+ minutes to fully recover from an interruption. Multiply that over a few distractions, and you’ve just lost your entire work block.

Plan for the Ramp-Up: Flow Takes Time

Here’s something we don’t talk about enough: it takes time to settle in and focus. So don’t expect to sit down and immediately start cranking out brilliant work. That’s not how human brains operate.

Instead, plan for ramp-up time before you dive into focused work. Do a quick check of your email or messages, respond to anything urgent, and then intentionally clear the decks. Grab water. Take a bio break. Cue up music that helps you concentrate. Close the extra browser tabs. Then give yourself permission to go deep.

This preparation isn’t procrastination—it’s setting the stage for high-quality work. It’s part of what turns ten minutes into something powerful.

Work Smarter, Rest Better

In this summer heat, when our energy can feel low and our motivation stretched thin, we don’t need more hours—we need more impact from the hours we do have. That starts with focus, clarity, and protecting our attention like the limited resource it is.

So before you burn out trying to push through an endless list, stop.

  • Write down your essentials.
  • Silence the noise.
  • Create the conditions for deep work.
  • And remember: ten focused minutes might be all you need to make real progress today.

Want more practical strategies like this? Chapter 11: Time Matters in my book Productivity for How You’re Wired dives deeper into how to plan your day, manage your time, and get the right things done without the overwhelm. It’s available now on Amazon—in print, eBook, and audio.

Feeling overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it? You’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. Through one-on-one coaching, I help professionals and leaders like you cut through the noise, ditch the never-ending to-do lists, and align your productivity with how you’re wired—so you can finally create systems that actually stick.

 

05 Jun

Posted at 19:22h in Organize to Thrive, Planning Tools, Productivity, Stress Management, Time Management

To Do List Magic

We all know we should occasionally organize our closets, and kitchens, and paper piles, but have you ever considered giving your To-Do or Task List a thorough reorganization? The results can be just as transformational. 

Before becoming a Productivity Coach, I spent years as a Professional Organizer, helping clients clear physical clutter. I discovered that truly lasting results come from a deliberate, step-by-step process:

  1. Remove EVERYTHING from the space (or section).
  2. Make intentional decisions about what to do with each item. Organizing expert Judith Kolberg introduced the concept of sorting items into three categories: friends, strangers, and acquaintances.
    • Friends go BACK into the space
    • Strangers are donated, recycled, or discarded
    • Acquaintances go into a holding zone (storage — just in case) or are returned if there’s room 

Making intentional choices about every single item—and being VERY purposeful about what occupies your valuable space—is genuinely MAGICAL. I can tell you if I go to organize my junk drawer (or any space) and open the drawer and ask myself – is there anything here that should go, I get an average result that lasts a few weeks or months. However, if I remove everything – and deliberately return the things-that-really-matter, my organization lasts a good year or more.  Try it – it’s amazing how effective it is!

But do we do this with our To DO Lists?  It’s tempting to stick with our usual weekly reviews, but just as our physical spaces benefit from an annual deep re-org, your digital or paper task list deserves the same attention. I recently did a full Task List overhaul myself, and here’s how I did it:

  1. I keep my Task List on a Google Sheet (as discussed here.)
  2. I made a backup copy, just in case.
  3. I added a new column and transferred EVERYTHING from my Critical/Hot/Sooner/Later/Waiting lists into that column.
  4. Then, I sorted and redistributed each item back into the appropriate category.
  5. I also cleaned up my sub-lists—professional development, major purchases, blog ideas, tech tools, tasks in progress with my VA—and deleted many obsolete or unnecessary items.

The result? A clean, focused, manageable list that clearly highlights what’s most important. Removing clutter is not just liberating—it drastically reduces stress and increases clarity.

A few key insights:

  • Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Does that task advance your goals or support someone important? If not, is it worth your precious time?
  • When everything feels urgent or important, nothing truly is. Time is finite—every “yes” to the unimportant takes away from what truly matters.
  • As Brené Brown reminds us, feeling resentment often signals that a task should come off your list.
  • Remember: what was a priority last week or last month may no longer be relevant today. Priorities shift, and highly productive people are ruthless about removing unnecessary tasks.

So, what will you REMOVE today?

If you enjoy my blog, you’ll love the insights in my book, Productivity for How You’re Wired, available on Audible, in print, and as an ebook all on Amazon.

07 Jan

Posted at 11:09h in Change, Productivity, Stress Management

One of the most interesting aspects of my work is recognizing trends. When I consistently hear similar things from clients, my brain starts making connections. I suppose this is what is meant by the term “thought leader”… at least, I hope so.

Here’s one of my recent observations: Clients who work from home prefer to talk at the end of the day, while those who go to the office seek recharge time. Challenges often arise in households when there are both remote workers and in-office workers.

I recall reading that in the “olden days,” when men went to the office and their wives stayed home, it was suggested that wives give their husbands time to unwind before discussing their day and children. While this may sound outdated, in essence, when we remove gender roles, the concept is not far off.

I notice that individuals who work from home yearn for social interaction. They lack the same level of connection as office-goers. Regardless of your beliefs about productivity, from a social standpoint, people working alone desire a sense of belonging. Studies show that this feeling of connectedness enhances engagement and commitment to work outcomes.

So, what is my recommendation? In coaching, we emphasize that change starts with awareness. We cannot improve something we are not aware of. Therefore, let’s recognize that those working alone have different needs than those who are in an office environment all day.

What comes next?

After creating awareness, we need to embrace this new idea. This involves experimenting with various solutions. It requires collaboration between at least two individuals, with communication as the initial step. This includes acknowledging needs, fostering an environment where needs can be expressed, brainstorming solutions, testing them, evaluating, and committing to the ones that work.

My clients have reported increased happiness by intentionally incorporating relaxation time, exercise time, and quiet time for partners who go to the office, as well as scheduled talk time for those working alone.

For individuals who live alone and work remotely, a proactive approach to combat isolation is vital. What social opportunities sound fulfilling? Can you join a club, engage in activities, set goals to see friends or family regularly, or schedule phone calls or virtual meetups?

One thing is certain – being proactive and intentional in adapting to this new working dynamic definitely improves work and life.  

Unlock your potential with my book Productivity for How You’re Wired! If you enjoy my blog, you’ll love the insights in my book, available now on Audible, and in print and as an ebook on Amazon. Don’t miss out—I’m excited to share these transformative strategies with you!

09 Dec

Posted at 14:05h in Change, Envision Success, Productivity, Stress Management

Lately, at the end of my coaching sessions, a natural follow-up to discussing takeaways and actions with my clients has been asking them if there is a specific word or phrase they want to keep in mind to help them engage with the session’s actions. The word that keeps resonating with me is “mantra,” and I include it at the top of my clients’ session notes as their chosen mantra.

This practice has proven to be an effective tool for my clients’ growth, and it’s something you can also use to keep key ideas and actions top of mind for yourself. Central to this concept is the incorporation of your new mantra. I encourage my clients to commit to a technique that keeps this idea visible as they work on developing this new habit. Some approaches we’ve explored include:

  • Placing a post-it with the mantra written prominently near their computer.
  • Creating a graphic with the mantra as their desktop background.
  • Setting an alarm with the mantra as the label.
  • Adding it to the top of their daily calendar as an all-day task or event.
  • Using apps like Streaks for daily reminders.

The idea is that to establish a new habit effectively, we need consistent reminders that actively prompt us to move into action. This approach is far more reliable than simply relying on memory to remember.

The term “mantra” originates from the meditation practice of repeating a word or phrase to calm the mind and reach a meditative state. While my use is not about meditation, it indeed aims to bring calmness to the mind. Stress can push our brains into fight, flight, or freeze mode, hindering our productivity and keeping us from using our thinking brain. A habit-building mantra can provide comfort and stability during challenging growth phases.

Examples of mantras my clients have crafted include:

  • “Just because I can doesn’t mean I should.”
  • “Fear means I’m being brave.”
  • “I’m already everything I want to be.”
  • “Be patient with myself, I’m doing the best I can.”
  • “I fully embody and own my lifestyle without guilt.”
  • “What I have isn’t due to luck; it’s because of hard work.”
  • “Simplify: How can I make this easier?”

To create your habit-building mantra, start by identifying a new routine, habit, or action you wish to develop. Craft a concise phrase to motivate you into action, then select a method to help you remember to stay on track.

Matra is powerful.  What a great support to help you work and live better. 

Unlock your potential with my book Productivity for How You’re Wired! If you enjoy my blog, you’ll love the insights in my book, available now on Audible, and in print and as an ebook on Amazon. Don’t miss out—I’m excited to share these transformative strategies with you!

09 Sep

Posted at 16:40h in Envision Success, Planning Tools, Productivity, Productivity for How You're Wired, Stress Management, Tips for Easier Living

The last year of blog posts has shared excerpts from my new book, “Productivity For How You’re Wired.” Today’s post is the final entry in the series and serves as the conclusion to the book. It is relevant to any change you want to make. In a couple of weeks, I’ll share a post with you that isn’t from my book. I’ve been collecting blog ideas, and I’m excited to share new content with you. Remember, you can review the book highlights anytime at ellenfaye.com/blog.  I hope you enjoy this last “book” post.

Making Change Stick: I know you are eager to bring more order, peace, and control to your life. However, if you are serious about real change, you can’t rush the process. Quick fixes don’t deliver sustainable results.

I once heard a speaker say that when you change one thing at a time, you have a 90% chance of success. If you change two things at once, your chance of success declines to 63%. I haven’t been able to source this data, however, the concept makes sense. If you put your attention toward one thing, you end up with results. If you spread yourself too thin, you’re often left with nothing to show.

When I work with my clients, we start with one thing at a time. First, we consider the topic, then we study what has worked for them in the past in similar circumstances. We then strategize and come up with a plan. After that, my client will spend the time between our sessions to experiment and practice. They come back and we discuss what worked, what didn’t work, and where we need to tweak. We keep practicing and tweaking until it works and is integrated into their routines.

As you’re evaluating your own productivity and how you’re wired, keep in mind that focusing on one change at a time will drive results. Getting you from where you are to where you want to be is a process.

Integrate the change before adding something new — Keep your energy and focus on one new thing at a time. If you change too many variables at once you won’t know what made the difference. You are the experiment and you’re looking for your best solution. Observe and tweak. Work out the bugs and practice. When it feels comfortable, it is time to add another behavior change.

Understand the science — The brain learns through repetition. The 21-day habit theory has been disproven. The real science indicates the time it takes to create a new behavior is reflective of how often the neuropathways of that behavior are traveled in the brain. Think of a trail in the woods. If you take it occasionally, you’re fighting through new brush and undergrowth. But with frequent travel the path becomes clear and recognized. Brain scientists say nerve cells that fire together, wire together. The more you fire the cells and travel the path, the sooner the nerve cells will wire together and the sooner you will have integrated the new behavior.

Be kind to yourself — Set realistic goals and expectations. Backsliding (three steps forward, one step back) is completely normal. Keep yourself supported.

Be patient with yourself — Don’t undermine your success by rushing the process. It took years to create your habits. You’re not going to undo them in a week. Lasting change is a process. Give it the time and commitment you deserve.

This is from the conclusion of my new book Productivity for How You’re Wired available on Amazon. Many templates are included via the time tools link discussed in the book.