Productivity
Productivity Coaching, Time Management Consulting and Leadership Coaching for business and nonprofits - get your most important work done. Collaborating with leaders and their teams to become more strategic, focused and productive. Leadership and Board Coaching, Strategic Planning Facilitation, Productivity Coaching and Time Management Consulting, Professional Speaker.
Productivity Coach, Productivity Consultant, Leadership Coach, Time Management Coach, Business Consulting, personal productivity, time management, nonprofit, board coach, collaboration, strategic planning, facilitation, change management, leading productive teams, project planning, board development, volunteer engagement, association management, workplace productivity, executive director.
-1
archive,category,category-productivity,category-3,wp-theme-bridge,bridge-core-3.3.4.8,qode-page-transition-enabled,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,qode_grid_1200,footer_responsive_adv,qode-theme-ver-30.8.8.9,qode-theme-bridge,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-8.7.3,vc_responsive

Productivity

Last week I worked with a client who had just received a well-deserved promotion. His new manager voiced one concern: she was worried he might miss something important in his email. He was smart, capable, and willing to work hard. But years of accumulated email made it difficult to distinguish what actually required his attention.

For years, my recommendation would have been straightforward: reduce the noise first. Archive older email that no longer requires action. Remove newsletters, completed projects, duplicate conversations, and information that belongs in a reference folder. Then work through what’s left and decide whether each email should be filed, deleted, or kept as an action item.

That process still works. But something has changed. Today, AI can help with routine sorting and review. Instead of manually combing through thousands of messages, AI can identify newsletters, group similar conversations, summarize long email threads, highlight messages that appear to require a response, and even suggest rules or filters to keep your inbox cleaner going forward.

Notice what AI isn’t doing. It isn’t deciding what matters. You are.

AI Changes the Work, Not the Principles.

I still believe the biggest reason people feel controlled by email, rather than in control of it, is that they keep too much in their inbox. The result? Stress increases, important emails get buried, and managers begin to worry that something important will slip through the cracks.

Here’s the core methodology: every email should fall into one of three classifications.

Classification Explanation Action
Trash I don’t need it anymore Delete it on the spot
Reference I might need it later File it in a folder (Outlook) or label (Gmail)
Action I need to do something with it soon Leave it in your inbox and organize it by priority (more on this later)

 Step 1: Clear obsolete emails from your inbox.

  • Email search has improved dramatically. You can usually find an old message when you need it, but keeping every searchable email in your inbox creates clutter and makes the inbox harder to manage. Instead, create one folder or label for older emails and move them there. The name does not matter; the goal is to give yourself one place to search later.
    • What to call it? It doesn’t matter. Call it what works for your brain: Old Inbox, Past Inbox, Past Emails, Reference…
    • How many old emails to move? For most people, anything more than a month or two old is no longer actionable. If two months feels safer to you, that’s perfectly fine. The goal isn’t to be perfect, it’s to get your inbox back to a manageable size. You’ll want to move a block of emails from your inbox into your Reference folder.
  • The goal is to clear the clutter as quickly as possible to give yourself a fighting chance to get your inbox under control. The more emails you leave in your inbox the more decisions you’ll have to make. Remember, you’re just moving where you search, it’s a waste of time to worry about processing them – we’re moving forward!
  • Move old emails in blocks. If you try to move too many at once, your computer may slow down or freeze, so try 100 or 200 at a time. To select a group, click one email, hold Shift, click another email, and then drag the selected block into your new Reference folder.
  • Sometimes Gmail may leave messages in your inbox if they still have the Inbox label. If that happens, ask AI how to remove the Inbox label after moving or archiving messages. The point is to clear your inbox, not just copy messages somewhere else.

Can AI help with this? Not much. This part is mostly mechanical: selecting older emails and moving them into one reference folder. The good news is that there is very little thinking involved. Put something not too compelling on TV, move emails in manageable batches, and remember: this is a once-and-done task.

Step 2: Processing what’s left in your inbox

Before AI:

  • Sort by sender and file or delete what’s no longer actionable.
  • Sort by subject and clean up duplicate or outdated threads.
  • Set up rules for recurring emails you need to keep but don’t need to see regularly, such as newsletters, shipping notifications, and receipts.
  • Organize what remains by priority.

With AI: Let AI become your assistant.  These AI prompts do not ask AI to make decisions for you. They ask AI to show you the landscape so you can decide faster.

  • Show me every newsletter I’ve never opened (then you decide: do you unsubscribe or make a rule to move it automatically out of your inbox into a folder.)
  • Group similar emails – instead of having to read and process 50 emails you can read 2 or 3 and decide on the action.
  • Find emails that require responses – let AI help you identify what’s actionable
  • Identify duplicate threads
  • Summarize long conversations
  • Suggest rules
  • Find commitments
  • Identify emails I’ve already answered that no longer require any action.
  • What kind of emails do I have left in my inbox? A few minutes later it returns this:
    • 212 newsletters
    • 43 receipts
    • 18 travel confirmations
    • 5 legal documents
    • 9 unanswered client emails
    • 7 commitments
    • 11 invoices awaiting payment

Instead of spending 90 minutes figuring out what’s in your inbox, you can spend those 90 minutes deciding what actually deserves your attention. Now you’re talking about priorities. That’s a huge shift.

Step 3: Respond in a timely manner

Stay on top of your emails daily and respond promptly to emails that need to be addressed today.

Before AI:

    • We’re going to sort your emails by priority (I love using categories for this, more details here, and if you love this idea, buy my book and read chapter 12) so you are working on the most important emails first.
    • Then you are going to take it one email at a time and respond… and respond…and respond

With AI:

    • I still love sorting by categories, so I know what to do first
    • Let AI help you draft a response. Instead of reading, thinking, and writing from scratch, give AI three key points you want to communicate and ask it to “write a concise response.”

Things I would never let AI do:

    • I would never let AI permanently decide about Delete – File – Action. Those are judgment decisions. You could, however, ask for recommendations.
      • AI suggests
      • Human decides

Other Things to consider:

    • When should you trust AI? Always verify.
    • How do you avoid becoming lazy? Let AI be your collaborator and editor.
    • Don’t ask it to think for you, ask it to think with you.
    • How do you keep your authentic voice? Over time AI will learn your style, however if something is important discipline yourself to write from scratch. Allow it to help you think… but then start a fresh document and start writing.

Connecting AI to your email

  • ChatGPT can now connect directly to supported email accounts for eligible plans. Claude is moving in this direction as well, and there are also dedicated AI email assistants. But whether someone can connect depends heavily on whether it’s a personal account or a company-managed account.
  • Personal Gmail or Outlook
    • This is the easiest.
    • A user goes into ChatGPT Settings → Connectors (or Apps, depending on the interface), signs into Gmail or Outlook, grants permission, and then ChatGPT can search, summarize, and reference their mailbox when asked. It can also work with calendars and contacts if those connectors are enabled.
    • For example, someone could ask:
      • “What emails require a reply?”
      • “Summarize everything from Susan over the last two weeks.”
      • “Find invoices I haven’t responded to.”
      • “What commitments did I make yesterday?”
    • That’s a very different experience than copying and pasting emails into ChatGPT.
  • Corporate Accounts
    • Many companies don’t allow employees to simply connect AI to corporate email. But those companies do have corporate AI tools that are integrated and approved. If your company uses ChatGPT Enterprise, you can connect through that. If your company uses Microsoft Copilot, you can connect through that. If your company uses Google Gemini, you can connect through that.  Ask your IT department which AI tools are approved in your organization, then ask that AI assistant how to connect to your email.

AI is changing how we work, but it isn’t changing the fundamentals of productivity.

Your inbox still needs a trusted system. Your priorities still require judgment. Your relationships still deserve thoughtful responses.

Let AI handle more of the organizing so you can spend more time making good decisions.


Want to Build an Email System That Actually Works?

AI is changing how we process information, but it doesn’t replace the need for a trusted productivity system. In Productivity for How You’re Wired, I walk you through the complete email methodology—including how to reduce inbox clutter, organize actionable email, create sustainable systems, and build productivity habits that fit how you’re wired. The technology will continue to evolve. The principles won’t. If you’re ready to create a calmer, more intentional way of working, you’ll find practical strategies you can use immediately. Available wherever books are sold, including Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

how to find a productivity coach in the age of ai

Finding a productivity coach used to be relatively straightforward. You searched online, looked at a few websites, and contacted someone who seemed like a good fit. Today, it’s surprisingly harder. For years, if you searched for a productivity coach, you generally found productivity coaches. Today, you might find a directory, a training school, a software company, a YouTube channel, a bestselling author, or an AI-generated list of experts—many of whom aren’t available for coaching. That’s not necessarily wrong, but it does make it harder for someone seeking actual coaching to find the help they’re looking for.

Having worked in the productivity field since 2001, I’ve watched the search landscape change dramatically. What concerns me isn’t technology itself. What concerns me is whether people looking for help can actually find it. The challenge is no longer finding information. The challenge is finding the right information. And when it comes to coaching, finding the right person matters. If you’re overwhelmed, stuck, or struggling to create a more productive work life, here are a few things to consider when looking for a coach.

Decide Whether Professional Coach Training Matters to You: Anyone can call themselves a coach today. There are no licensing requirements and no universal standards. That doesn’t mean every coach needs a credential, but it does mean you should understand what you’re getting. If professional coaching skills are important to you, look for someone who has completed a recognized coaching program and earned a credential through an organization such as the International Coaching Federation (ICF). Training and certification don’t guarantee a great coach, but they do demonstrate a commitment to learning, competency, ongoing development, and adherence to an established code of ethics.

Look for Expertise in the Areas Where You Need Help: Productivity is a broad term. Some coaches focus on time management. Others specialize in leadership, ADHD, business growth, organization, executive effectiveness, work-life integration, or team productivity. Before you start your search, spend a little time identifying what kind of support you’re actually seeking. Then look for coaches whose experience and expertise align with those needs. A coach may be excellent, but if they primarily work with college students and you’re leading a growing business, the fit may not be right.

Make Sure Their Approach Matches What You’re Looking For: Not every productivity offering is coaching. Some programs are structured courses. Some are accountability programs. Some are consulting engagements. Some are true one-on-one coaching relationships. None of these approaches are inherently better than the others. The question is whether the format matches what you need. If you’re looking for personalized support, individual coaching may be the best fit. If you’re primarily seeking education and tools, a course might serve you well.

Find Out Whether They Actually Coach: Many of the most visible names in productivity are authors, speakers, trainers, or content creators. They may have brilliant ideas and excellent books, but they don’t necessarily work directly with clients. If your goal is to have a thinking partner who helps you navigate challenges, create sustainable systems, and make meaningful changes, verify that the person you’re considering actively coaches clients. A coach who teaches a system helps you implement their methodology. A coach who coaches a person helps you build a way of working that fits your strengths, challenges, goals, and circumstances. Neither approach is wrong. They are simply different.

Look Beyond the First Results: Search engines and AI tools don’t always prioritize actual coaches. Your search results may include coaching directories, coach training programs, articles about coaching, podcasts, software tools, sponsored advertisements, or bestselling authors who have written about what worked for them, but whose expertise may be different from helping someone else discover what works best for them. Those resources can be valuable, but they may not help you find a coach you can actually hire. As you search, try to distinguish between information about coaching and the coaches themselves. You may even want to skip past sponsored results and directory listings to explore the websites of individual coaches.

Talk With More Than One Coach: If coaching is a significant investment for you, talk with more than one coach. Compare their approach, experience, personality, and philosophy. Read their websites. Look for client success stories. Pay attention to whether they clearly explain who they help and how they help them. The goal isn’t to find the “best” coach. The goal is to find the coach who is the best fit for you.

Trust the Conversation: After all the research, credentials, testimonials, and AI searches, most people ultimately decide based on the conversation. Ask yourself:

  • Do I feel understood?
  • Do I trust this person?
  • Can I imagine talking openly with them when things get difficult?
  • Do I leave the conversation feeling clearer, more hopeful, or more energized?

The answers to those questions often tell you more than a list of certifications.

Is Ellen Faye the Right Coach for You?

If you’ve read this far, you may be wondering whether I’m the right coach for you. The truth is, I’m not the right coach for everyone. My clients are typically professionals, business owners, nonprofit leaders, and emerging or established leaders who are successful by most measures but know they’re capable of more. They may be overwhelmed, struggling to manage competing priorities, facing leadership challenges, building a business, navigating change, or simply trying to create a more sustainable way of working.

What makes my approach different is that I don’t separate productivity from leadership, business, or life. Your calendar affects your leadership. Your leadership affects your team. Your business affects your time. And all of it affects your quality of life. As a Professional Certified Coach (PCC), Certified Productivity Leadership Coach (CPLC), and Certified Professional Organizer (CPO®), I’ve spent more than two decades helping clients turn ideas, goals, and good intentions into meaningful results. Some clients come to me because they want better systems, improved focus, and greater productivity. Others are looking for support as leaders, business owners, or decision-makers. Many discover that the real solution lies in addressing all of those areas together.

If you’re considering coaching, I encourage you to explore my client success stories, learn more about my approach, and compare me to other coaches you’re considering. The right coach isn’t necessarily the most famous or the easiest to find online. It’s the person whose skills, experience, approach, and personality align with what you need right now. In an age when AI can generate hundreds of recommendations in seconds, the human connection still matters. Perhaps now more than ever.


Ready to Create a More Sustainable Way of Working?

Whether you decide to hire a coach or go it alone, the goal is the same: creating a way of working that helps you succeed without sacrificing your well-being. My book, Productivity for How You’re Wired, offers a practical roadmap for designing routines, systems, and habits that fit your strengths, preferences, and real life. Instead of forcing yourself into someone else’s productivity system, you’ll learn how to create an approach that works for you. Because productivity shouldn’t leave you exhausted. It should help you create a better life. Available on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

This post is an updated twist on one of my most-loved holiday articles — because some lessons are worth serving again.

As we move into the holiday season, life can start to resemble an overfilled dinner plate. Obligations, commitments, events, expectations — we heap them on, spoonful after spoonful, often choosing things that make others happy. But when we fill our plate with everyone else’s favorites, we leave no room for the mashed potatoes or cookies we genuinely love.

And that’s when dissatisfaction creeps in. We end the holidays depleted, unfulfilled… and somehow still hunting for dessert, hoping it will fill what’s missing.

A satisfying life isn’t an accident. It’s the result of intentionally making space for what nourishes you most — those holiday cookie moments that make everything richer, sweeter, and more meaningful.

Why We Don’t Put What We Want on Our Plate

Over the last year, through my work as a Productivity Coach, I’ve noticed something consistent: most people — regardless of their role or title — struggle to make room for what truly matters. We are all leaders of our own lives, yet we often forget to lead ourselves toward what satisfies us.

Here are three common patterns I see:

  1. We Put Our Passion Projects on the Back Burner

Do you have a project that excites you, inspires you, or simply brings you joy — yet somehow never makes it onto your schedule? Between daily demands, inboxes, meetings, and the business-of-business, the work that would actually fulfill us gets pushed aside in favor of what feels urgent.

There is a way to change this. You must plan for your satisfying work.

    • Break your project into small, doable steps
    • Prioritize those steps
    • Move them from the “when I have time” list to your Important or Hot list
    • Protect short blocks of time and work on it consistently

Progress is built one spoonful at a time. Think of it like the old saying: How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Big, meaningful work doesn’t happen in one push — it happens in a series of intentional, bite-sized actions. Each spoonful counts. Each bite adds up. Before you know it, what once felt overwhelming becomes something you’ve already begun — and something you can absolutely finish.

  1. We Get Lost in Perfection

Do you hesitate to send something out because it isn’t “perfect”? Do you spend excessive time polishing work that is already more than good enough? Perfection is seductive — and it’s a brilliant disguise for procrastination. Here’s the truth: very good is often more valuable than perfect.

The difference between the two usually lives in the last 20% of effort — effort that rarely delivers meaningful return. Think of every tech company you know: they release imperfect updates all the time, because momentum matters more than flawlessness.

Excellence moves you forward. Perfection keeps you stuck.

  1. We Don’t Know How to Relax

For years, culture rewarded constant motion. Busy equaled important. If we weren’t doing, we weren’t valuable. Thankfully, that narrative is shifting — but we’re not sure what to replace it with. When I ask clients what they do to relax, I often hear a list of tasks:

    • I should read more
    • I should exercise more
    • I should organize the house

Those are activities, not rest. They’re doing, not being.

Real restoration happens when we quiet the shoulds and reconnect with what soothes us. Ask yourself:

    • What restores me?
    • What helps me exhale?
    • When do I feel like myself again?

For some it’s journaling. For others, it’s music, nature, or yes — a bubble bath. Relaxation is not a reward you earn. It’s a requirement you deserve.

Your Holiday Plate, Your Rules

These are trying times. The world is loud. Expectations are high. But satisfaction shows up when we choose — deliberately — what belongs on our plate.

So this season, ask yourself:

  • What nourishes me?
  • What satisfies me?
  • What deserves space on my plate?

My wish for you is simple: may you fill your holiday plate with what feeds your soul — not just your schedule.


🎁 A Gift That Brings More Joy Than Stuff

My book Productivity for How You’re Wired  makes a thoughtful, meaningful holiday gift — for a friend, a colleague, a family member, or for yourself. It helps readers understand their personal productivity wiring and create systems that actually work for them. Give a gift that lasts longer than the holiday season — one that creates clarity, confidence, and ease. Available on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

Ready to Begin the New Year Feeling Satisfied? January is my busiest coaching season, and a powerful time to reset your habits, clarify your priorities, and build systems that support who you want to be. I’d love to support you. Schedule a January Discover Call spot now — before they’re gone.

Let’s flip the script on AI. Instead of using it to cut staff, let’s use it to make work more human — to reduce burnout, lift engagement, and help people do their best work sustainably.

One Person Doing the Work of Many

In the U.S., productivity has skyrocketed – output per hour is up over 60% since 2000, while total hours worked have barely increased. That means today, one person is often expected to do the work of several people from a generation ago. And while technology has helped, it’s also pushed us past the point of human capacity. We’ve normalized 60-hour weeks, overloaded inboxes, and burnout as a badge of honor. It doesn’t have to be that way.

What I Learned Running a Hotel Front Desk

When I was a hotel front office manager, I knew exactly how many people it took to run the front desk well. If I needed ten clerks, I fought for eleven – because someone was always out. But even with that planning, I regularly worked 90+ hour weeks. When a clerk called out, I was the one behind the desk. That meant I wasn’t leading, improving service, or making strategic decisions – I was filling shifts. The company only cared about payroll. They didn’t see the cost of the work not getting done – the missed opportunities, the lack of leadership, the fatigue that spread through the team. That experience shaped how I think about leadership today. Cutting people to save money in the short term often costs far more in the long run.  “When leaders focus only on costs, they lose sight of capability. When they focus on people, both quality and profit improve.”

AI Could Change This — If We Let It

We now have tools that can automate the repetitive work that eats up our days. If we use them thoughtfully, AI can give people time back: time to think, plan, connect, and create. But if we treat AI as just another cost-cutting measure, we’ll repeat the same mistake: expecting one person to do the work of five, only faster this time. Let’s use AI to make work better!

A Challenge to Leaders: Use AI to improve the quality of work, not just the quantity.

  1. Automate the busywork. Let AI handle meeting notes, scheduling, expense reports, and data entry – the tasks that drain energy but don’t require human insight.
  2. Protect the time that’s saved. Don’t fill it with more work. Use it to have better conversations, mentor your team, and think strategically. AI should buy back human connection.
  3. Redefine productivity. If one person can now do the work of two, don’t double their workload. Let them do that work well – thoughtfully, creatively, and sustainably. AND LET’S IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF WHAT WE DELIVER! (I’m so frustrated that mediocre is now the acceptable norm!)
  4. Focus on engagement, not headcount. Retention and burnout are expensive. A burned-out employee isn’t productive – they’re exhausted. A supported employee does better work and stays longer.
  5. Measure leadership by human impact. Track turnover, engagement, feedback, and growth -not just output. Ask: Is my team thriving?  Is my team doing it’s best work?

The Long View

Yes, short-term profits matter. But when the people doing the work are burned out and disengaged, those profits won’t last. Leaders who invest in sustainable workloads and supportive cultures outperform in the long run. The data already shows that engaged employees deliver higher quality, better customer service, and stronger results. AI can make that easier — if we lead with intention.

From “Do More” to “Do Better”

We don’t need to glorify overwork or expect humans to operate like machines. We need to build systems where people can do fewer things better – where the hours we do work are meaningful and manageable.

“If we keep using AI to squeeze every drop of efficiency out of people, we’ll keep getting mediocre results from exhausted humans.” But if we use AI to free people up to think, connect, and create, we’ll get excellence. And that excellence…that’s what leads to success.

Let’s Make Work Human Again

This isn’t anti-AI – it’s pro-human. Leaders have a choice: You can use AI to eliminate people. Or you can use it to elevate them. Let AI take the tasks that drain us. Let people focus on the work that inspires us. Because the goal isn’t to replace humans — It’s to make it possible for humans to do their best work again.


If this idea resonates with you, stay tuned for how leadership and productivity intersect in my (hopefully) upcoming book (working title), Productivity for Leaders. Want to dive deeper into strategies for working smarter, not harder? Check out my book Productivity for How You’re Wired —available on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

Or learn more about my one-on-one and group coaching options for leaders who want to build teams that thrive — not just survive. Let’s connect – schedule your discovery call today.

If your computer looks like your brain feels – 37 tabs open, all competing for attention – this one’s for you.

You start with good intentions: one quick check, one more thing to look up. Suddenly, you’ve got open tabs for work projects, travel plans, news, shopping, and maybe that recipe you’ll definitely make someday.

Each tab represents something unfinished—an open loop your brain keeps tracking. No wonder you feel distracted and overwhelmed.

Our Brains Weren’t Built for This Many Tabs

Neuroscience shows that our best thinking happens in the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for decision-making, planning, and prioritizing. But it can only hold so much at once.

When too much comes at us—too many tabs, tasks, or worries—we overload. The thinking brain gives way to the emotional brain, triggering fight, flight, or freeze. Focus evaporates, anxiety rises, and even simple things feel hard.

When your computer crashes, you lose all those open tabs. When you crash, you lose all those thoughts and ideas. That’s why you need a system for offloading them—your task list. There’s hope (and help).

Pro Tips

  • For ideas:
    Capture them somewhere reliable—your task list, a Google Sheet shortcut, an email to yourself, or even a sticky note you’ll transfer later. Avoid random Notes apps if you never revisit them. Ideas are only useful if you’ll find them again.
  • For browser tabs:
    Add the action (and hyperlink) to your task list. Then close the tab confidently. You’ll know where to find it when you’re ready.

“Too Many Tabs” Looks Different for Everyone

Some tabs are digital. Others are mental or emotional. They sound like:

  • “I should reach out to that client.”

  • “I need to start that presentation.”

  • “I still haven’t scheduled that appointment.”

  • “I need to figure out what’s next for my business.”

Each open loop takes up mental bandwidth. The more tabs you keep open, the slower everything runs, and the more stuck you’ll be when you or your computer crashes.

Closing the Tabs

You don’t need to close every tab—just enough to free up cognitive space.

  1. Externalize what’s internal.
    Write down everything on your mind. Once it’s captured, your brain can relax. (Learn more in Chapter 9 of Productivity for How You’re Wired or search “task list” on my blog.)

  2. Decide what deserves to stay open.
    Keep what matters today; close the rest. Add hyperlinks to your task list for anything important.

  3. Match your “tab load” to your structure preference.
    If you need everything visible, organize your open tasks in one clear list. If clutter overwhelms you, pare it down to just what you need now.

  4. Give yourself permission to reboot.
    Step away, stretch, breathe, or declare “tab amnesty.” Close everything. With today’s search engines and ChatGPT, you can find it again if it’s important.

The Point Isn’t Perfection—It’s Clarity

Closing tabs isn’t about being perfectly organized. It’s about making space to think clearly and do your best work.

When you have too many tabs open—on your computer or in your mind—you’re not lazy or unmotivated. You’re simply overloaded.

Take a breath. Save what matters. Close what doesn’t. Give your brain the gift of focus.

What About You?

What’s one “tab” you can close – digitally or mentally – today to make room for focus and peace?


Feeling Overloaded? If you’ve got too many tabs open—on your screen or in your head—you’re not alone. I help leaders and professionals create clarity, structure, and focus by aligning how they work with how they’re wired.

Want to dive deeper into strategies for working smarter, not harder? Check out my book Productivity for How You’re Wired —available now on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

Or, if you’re ready for personalized support, let’s talk. Together we’ll design systems that actually stick and create a sustainable rhythm that works for you. Let’s connect – schedule your discovery call today.

 

I’m noticing more than ever how hard we are on ourselves. My clients, my colleagues, even myself—we all tend to expect more of ourselves than is appropriate, healthy, or even humanly possible. When we fall short, instead of extending grace, we turn inward with harsh judgment. We criticize. We attack. And in doing so, we undermine our ability to be effective.

Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in self-compassion, alongside Dr. Chris Germer of the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion, has shown us a different way. Their model identifies three key elements of self-compassion: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. These concepts have deeply influenced me, yet when I share them, people often resist. It’s as if self-compassion is something that should apply to everyone else—but not to them.

Why is that? Is it our fast-paced, high-demand culture? The belief that constant self-criticism is the only way to succeed? Or is it simply easier to overwork than to pause and take care of ourselves? Whatever the reason, the truth is this: being hard on yourself doesn’t make you more productive—it makes you less.

The Three Tenets of Self-Compassion

When I only have a minute with clients, I break Dr. Neff’s framework down like this:

  1. Self-Kindness
    Treat yourself the way you’d treat your best friend. When you’re stuck in self-criticism, ask: What would I say to my best friend in this situation? Chances are, you’d respond with encouragement—not with the harsh words you use on yourself.
  2. Common Humanity
    Struggle is part of the human condition. Everyone wrestles with some form of self-doubt. Recognizing this can help us see our challenges as normal, not evidence of inadequacy. When we know we’re not alone, it’s easier to be generous with ourselves.
  3. Mindfulness
    Mindfulness means noticing what we’re feeling without ignoring it—or drowning in it. Saying, This is hard. I feel disappointed. I feel anxious, creates space to respond with clarity instead of reacting with judgment.

Why Self-Criticism Derails Productivity

Neff makes a powerful point: “Today most of our threat is to our self-concept. When we fail and feel inadequate, we are fighting ourselves. We are the attacker and the attacked.”

When we’re hard on ourselves, we don’t just bruise our feelings—we hijack our brains. Instead of staying in problem-solving mode, we flip into fight, flight, or freeze. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline flood our system, and suddenly the “danger” isn’t out there—it’s inside us.

And when you feel under attack, your emotional brain overrides your thinking brain, making it physiologically impossible to focus on your work.

The Science of Self-Compassion

Research shows that people who practice self-compassion aren’t weak or indulgent. In fact, they’re more resilient, motivated, and accountable.

  • They feel less anxiety, stress, and burnout.
  • They report more optimism, gratitude, and life satisfaction.
  • They keep high standards, but bounce back quickly when they fall short.
  • They take responsibility for mistakes and make amends without spiraling into shame.

In short: self-criticism sabotages, while self-compassion empowers. Giving ourselves grace—not beating ourselves up—is what helps us be our best selves.

Practicing Self-Compassion in Real Life

So what does this look like in practice? It’s not about lowering the bar. It’s about changing how you treat yourself when things get tough.

Next time that inner critic pipes up, pause and ask yourself:

  • What do I need right now?
  • What would I say to a good friend in this situation?
  • What if this challenge is just part of being human—not proof that I’m failing?

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is step back and pause. Sometimes it’s giving yourself permission to do less. And sometimes it’s simply saying: This is hard—and that’s okay.

The Path to Flow

At the end of the day, productivity isn’t about pushing harder—it’s about creating the conditions where you can do your best work. And self-compassion is a condition.

When you stop beating yourself up and start having your own back, you clear the way for focus, creativity, and growth.

Because the truth is, you’ll never criticize yourself into greatness. But you can support yourself there.


Want to dive deeper into strategies for working smarter, not harder? Check out my book Productivity for How You’re Wired —available now on Amazon in print, eBook, and audio.

Feeling overwhelmed by too much to do and not enough time to do it? You’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. Through one-on-one coaching, I help professionals and leaders like you cut through the noise, ditch the never-ending to-do lists, and align your productivity with how you’re wired—so you can finally create systems that actually stick.